Witty Wednesday # 16

From embee

TwoFer

1. Pirate Humor
A pirate walks into a bar with his fly unzipped and a steering wheel down his pants. A few patrons give him funny looks as he approaches the bar. After he orders a drink, the bartender asks him, "You know you have a steering wheel hanging from your package?" "Ay," the pirate responds.

"It's drivin' me nuts!"

2. Fidelity
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. And you know what?" "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck."
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What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife".
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk?
"Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type"?
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types! of bras to choose from".

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The sales lady replied: "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer"?
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple...

The Catholic type supports the masses.
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.
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Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} B! arely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !
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They forgot the German bra.

Holtzemfromfloppen!

After a week of sunshine we are back to stormy weather here so I don't think I will be in the garden today. I had a little catastrophe on Monday afternoon. A shelf of books collapsed as I was reaching for a book, luckily it didn't land on me. However, books scattered all over the room and there are three holes where the fixings used to be. Embee promised to fix it when he got home from work yesterday but that didn't happen so I think today I will tidy the books in readiness... are you reading this embee!!!